on bike racing in yurope

Sat Aug 25 2012

When we in the ivory-entrenched boardroom of launchday aren’t counting the divots on our golden cufflinks or performing for our supper, we occasionally like to watch a bike race. and we’ve noticed this guy named lance get chased by the feds for some bikeraces he won a couple decades ago over in yurope. now look - we love crushing people just as much as the next guy, but seriously? is this the best use of our collective YOOOOOOONITED STATES resources? Shouldn’t we be, like, fighting terror or whatever the gubment does these days? So uncle sam, respectfully and with our little felt hats in our little trembly hands, we offer a few suggestions as to what you might want to look into instead of, or at least in addition to, decades old bike race winners:

• human trafficking. this is becoming a bit of a problem.
• the big financial crisis thingie
• drinking water for all your citizens. again, sometimes kind of an issue.
• repairing the dang POT HOLES in POMONA. do you have any idea what these do to my wheels?
• drugs, defense, education, infrastructure, international relations, the border, the climate, oil, health care, drought, alternative energy, welfare, the budget, etc etc.

just some suggestions. thank you and good night.